If someone was to tell me 2 years ago that I would one day feel gratitude towards all aspects of my life, I would say “Fuck you. That’s not reality.” It amazes me most days, that I am where I am. Exactly two years ago I was drinking every day, two bottles of wine a day, from early afternoon to late evening. My hands had already began to shake with need but I kept telling myself I just had too much coffee. Two years ago, here I was , driving to the grocery store, after drinking the one bottle of wine I had, with my twin daughters in my car, to get more twine.
I wonder if I even smiled then. Probably not because I was completely and utterly miserable with my life, my job, my kids, myself. I hated me. I hated me with a passion. I couldn’t do anything right, didn’t know I didn’t know how to do things and when I tried doing it on my own, every time I would just fall on my face. I’d reach up for that wine glass and then I’d be up again. Wine had become my best friend. It was there when I was sad, lonely, angry, happy, scared, embarrassed, accomplished, desperate – you know it, I used alcohol to help make it better, even when things were good (which wasn’t often at that time).
This blog is going to be my outlet, where I can POUR my heart out, and maybe help someone in need. My posts may be jumbled with words, throwing up via the keyboard. I was inspired by many people this morning and feel the need to share.
raginglifeaholic 